As I worked on editing this new Driving Home the Movie episode, I realized that I didn’t really have much more to say on it to justify writing a full review. So, the plan is to add a few more thoughts on the movie after the video below, but to keep it more or less brief. I don’t plan to do this for all of the movies I talk about on DHtM, but will decide on a video-to-video basis. Simply put, if I think I have a ton more to say on the movie (like I did for Deathly Hallows pt. 2), then I’ll put it in a new post.

One character I didn’t get around to in the video is Optimus Prime. Truth is, this is the most screentime he’s had in any of the movies, and his moments were cool. I’ve heard other reviewers criticize his unflinching killing of the Decepticons, but after the big twist in the middle of the movie, I could actually see why he was so quick to murder his enemies instead of sparing them, almost as if the writers were attempting some character development and a new motivation. But don’t worry, Michael Bay makes sure we all focus on the whiny kid who keeps telling us he’s the hero of this picture. When this movie comes out on DVD, I’m going to set up a Dark of the Moon drinking game, with the first rule being “Drink whenever Sam mentions his medal from Obama.” Trust me, you’ll get drunk just from that alone.

Another character exempt from the video is Patrick Dempsey. OK, Patrick Dempsey is the actor who played him, but for a good amount of the movie he’s just what the public thinks Patrick Dempsey is like. Handsome, rich and … yep, that’s about it. He’s maybe slightly more impressive acting-wise in the second half of the movie, but even that’s stretching it. My favorite bit from him is when Optimus and the other Autobots came crashing in to attack Megatron, with Dempsey standing probably 30 feet in the foreground. I swear, I’ve never seen such fake-looking reaction shots. Seriously, watch the movie and just focus on Dempsey’s body language … you can practically see the green screen behind him!

I’m going to have to give this movie a very low 1 1/2 out of 5 stars.Truth be told, there are a handful of good parts to this movie, and they’re all in the second half. That’s the sneaky part to it, unfortunately… you watch the first half thinking this is pure shit, only to watch a decent amount of fun robot fight scenes in the second half. It rather evil, tricking people into forgetting just how bad most of the movie is. Because despite being better than Rise of the Fallen, Dark of the Moon includes Shia the Beef being the most ungrateful prick, scenes appallingly similar to both 9/11 and the Challenger tragedy, Ken Jeong pulling secret files out of his underwear, a completely unnecessary shot of a girl’s ass (you know, for the kids!) and far too many good actors weighed down by a bizarre and chaotic screenplay. Oh, and the parents are back to talk about their son’s penis. In short, for the large majority of the movie, I had this look on my face: