I realize there are better things I could be doing than ranting about kid movies. I do realize that. But when you have something so mind-bogglingly stupid forced into your eyes commercial after commercial, sometimes you just have to rant. … This is Treasure Buddies, the obvious Indiana Jones ripoff.

It’s almost difficult to remember that this stupid series was actually a spin-off series of Air Bud, the needless movie about a dog that played basketball. But in the five Air Bud movies (even the one where Buddy learned to pay volleyball), they had the dignity to not have the dog talk. Not so with Air Buddies! In all six of their films so far, they all talk and have ridiculous personalities. The fat one is named Budderball, the rapping dog is named B-Dawg and the Buddhist puppy is named Buddha. I really, really wish I was kidding about this.

And then we get to Treasure Buddies. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a much longer version of the trailer on television, which includes many more terrible dog-based puns. It all looks incredibly stupid, but I’m mostly offended by their use of the Indiana Jones font. The only Disney production allowed to use that in my book is DuckTales because it’s awesome. They also have one of the puppies wear a fedora and there’s a monkey. Why is there a monkey? Moreover, kid movies don’t need to be dumbed down … even when you’re dealing with made-for-DVD movies you can put some effort into telling a good story. And what’s with the monkey? And what’s with this whole series?